Romance Breeds Civilizations

Romance: said to be an affair of the heart; few realize society’s influence tugging on hidden strings. Woe to the unprepared: they do not know the game they play nor its risks nor its rewards.

Romance is something often woven into novels, either as the driving conflict or the caring side plot that humanizes the heroes and heroines. It follows a flow: boy meets girl, they talk, they go out once or twice, then it gets serious, finally marriage. It looks like steps in a path that builds to a capstone of marriage, that framing often ends up with broken hearts and broken families. Instead I think of it like a game. One where the players have to work together, and against each other to reach their goals. This month I’ll be mapping out that game: the players, the board, and the outcomes so that my fellow worldbuilders can design the systems behind the relationships and my fellow storytellers can diagnose the relationships they wish to spotlight in their works.

The baseline for romance comes from children, more specifically, the potential for children. As such romance happens between men and women. If it works differently in your developed world; I presume you can translate the model. Thus we need to dive into our two kinds of players: men and women.

There are two shared buckets that both players can pull from to build their deck of cards. Resources and Connections. Resources are often physical things brought to the game; it could be anything from money to standing armies. The point is these are physical things brought to the table that can be shared with the other player, and are put at risk of capture, or destruction. Connections work fairly similarly; they are relationships to people and organizations. While the other player or society capturing a connection is unlikely it is possible, destruction is far more common than most would realize. Of these shared cards Resources are only of benefit to the player. Even if some are inherited, shared or otherwise not wholly the individual player’s. Connections are more volatile when it comes to being played; some may be boons, some may need sacrificing, they are truly a mixed bag of cards.

The third set of cards is player-specific: men get Station cards, women have Fertility. These are unequal pools that work quite differently. Men start with zero or near zero station, and often have to build up enough before they can play. Women start with as much as they will ever have, and eventually all of those cards will vanish. As unfair as this may seem for women, their deck of Fertility cards are the most powerful and valuable on the board. Thus as long as a woman knows she is on a timer, and plays wisely, she will come out ahead.

As I’ve mentioned, the board is where society comes in. Often this gets set up as a Man versus Woman together against society. Society functions as both the game space, judge, opposition, and assistance. This is done in three ways: Fences that stop the two players from interacting, Wedges to break apart the relationship, and Clamps to keep the relationship together.

Fences are often formed by taboos, they may be universal or specific. The Montague and Capulet rivalry functions as a fence. They are not to interact, let alone date.

Wedges are more active and only come into play once the relationship is started and known. Often carried out by third parties these are actions that challenge, with the goal of breaking apart the romance. Generally these come in when society thinks the match is bad, or otherwise undesirable.

Clamps are the inverse of wedges, where once the romance comes into play the community pushes them together. It is possible for clamps to be applied in an attempt to start romances, however that is not their purpose. They are bandages, stitches and other tools meant to heal and strengthen the relationship between man and woman.

This shows that society isn’t a passive board that is satisfied as a passive observer. No it is an active participant. One that many men and women overlook until it is too late. Ironic, as many a love story, sold as ‘a forbidden romance between two star-crossed lovers’ highlights the involvement of this collection of third parties.

Society implements these rules because both players have innate goals. Men want to get as much fertility as possible, women want to get as much status, and as many resources as possible. This stems from their roles in the rearing of children; biology is echoed by these ‘player-centered’ goals.

This tends to lead to a mess. Thus as society develops it will begin to formalize a system that evolves into romance. Meaning that our two players with their goals are alongside society trying to accomplish its goals as well. Generally society’s goals boil down to: prevent chaos and ensure continuity. Which is why society will develop these tools. Fences are often the first created as keeping the two parties separate until society feels they are deemed ready. Now other smaller parties from communities to families or even individuals can put up these fences. The lines: “Don’t stick your dick in crazy” and “He’s not going to be good for you” embody the fence. Players can also use fences to limit or slow down the relationship, for better or worse. If there are too many fences put up one, or both, players may decide the game isn’t worth their time and break off the relationship. This is different than the wedges as the goal, the intent, behind the fence is defensive. While the Wedge is offensive.

In that vein, wedges can only be used once the relationship has started, as otherwise they would have no target, and no effect. Wedges come in two flavors, personal and societal. Personal wedges are less of an exit strategy and more of a way to test the other player. Societal wedges are used to end a relationship from the outside. How exactly this will be done is down to either the society or the third party using the wedge.

Lastly clamping the two players together is the last move society and third parties can take. This generally revolves around making sure that the two players are able to resolve any issues that form, or to push them into a game. This can work a good number of ways from setting up the two as partners on a school project, to straight up introducing them under a banner stating “YOU TWO SHOULD BE MARRIED”. Yes some players are that dense and still wouldn’t realize what society is doing. When working with clamping forces they should not act as something the players need to avoid, but rather something that will help the players. Ideally in a way that shows it’s trying to help the duo recover from whatever blunder they have found themselves in. What form and how this will play out is very cultural dependent.

Society isn’t just a board to play the game. It too has its own goal: Continuity.

Society’s goal for romance as a game is to continue its own existence. This is by using romance to create strong relationships that then produce children that will continue the cycle. However as society is seldom a monolith there are carve-outs and caveats to that simple singular goal. Making things such as politics, wealth, and power, all important to the continuity of society, goals and players of society’s hand in the game. The easiest example would be a lord, no longer a young man, who rules over a powerful location. Perhaps it’s a trade hub, a strategic location, or any other reasonable reason for him to be an important player in the kingdom. As he is, say 32 and unwed, there is now a game of obligations, favors and intrigue surrounding him. This is the root of a romance novel, one that explores the difference between romance from romance and romance from obligation. Picturing the various players becomes simplistic in this scenario. Different families with different goals all wanting what the noble has control over, and willing to offer up their daughters to get it. Often these stories will revolve around the question: Can a romance born of obligation produce love? Often ignoring how society will either fertilize or poison the outcomes based off of society’s preferred outcomes.

This forms a rather clean set of rules, for the general system.
Each player has a set of cards they can play. Often risking them in the process. The board has a mind of its own and will affect how the two players play the game. Often it is a hindrance, but it can help when it feels like it. So that the two players make it to the outcome the board wants.

To illustrate this I will reveal the name of our two love birds we sent through the Autumn Ball quite a few times in quite a few ways last month: Claire and Michael. Now we need to know a touch more than names to properly fill in their ‘player sheet’ so to speak. Thus we will start with Claire.

Claire is your small town Midwesterner farm girl. As she’s in college to become a veterinarian to help out the dairy farms she grew up with, her goal is to not fall in love, just make it through to get her license. Clearly, I’m not letting her succeed that, thus what does she want out of romance? As Claire wants to return to the farms she needs a husband who could manage one while she is out doing veterinarian work, and ideally a man who can accept that farms are run by families. Her deck is low on local resources, and connections, as home is a ways out from the city, but they do exist. As she is college aged fertility is abundant. Lastly I would assert that Claire knows the limitations she has both here in college and at home. Thus her sheet would look like this.

• Goal: Find a husband to run a farm with.

• Deck Outline:

  • Limited or hard to use resources and connections

  • Abundant fertility

• Generally defensive, but understands the dating pond is bigger here. Meaning smart moves now are better than bigger moves later.

Michael is your “going through the motions” suburbanite. This college is the college that was closest to home, and he is going into mechanical engineering because he likes to fix things and make things. Being an engineering student humans aren’t really his thing. Meaning while he’s aware of women, and romance, between the killer class load and engineering grade density he’s also not actively looking. His expectations are also helpfully vague, he knows he wants a wife, and kids eventually meaning he will play the game should he end up in one. Until then he’s just keeping on keeping on. Filling in Michael’s sheet like so:

• Goal: Wife and Kids eventually

• Deck Outline:

  • Some resources and connections of his own. Lots inherited.

  • low, but growing Station.

• Generally clueless, but not incompetent when it comes to playing his cards.

I also create a similar sheet for the board, in this case it would specifically be the college. I choose the college specifically because the society on campus is going to be the field and the actors in play. Thus understanding it becomes a way to lay groundwork. Thus it would look like

• Goal: Create Romances to watch

• Tools:

  • Wedges: Class schedule and load

  • Fences: Major tracks, inter-college rivalries

  • Clamps: Once the student body knows you’re together they want you to stay together

  • The Student Body is the main third party.

On the wider scale, the society has the singular goal: produce stable, productive, marriages. Thus I will save creating its sheet for later. With this model established the outline of the three parts of the game: the players, the board, and the overall goal. We have something that can form the basis of romances in our world.

Putting this into play at your own world is very straightforward. Stand up two characters, go over Player’s Decks and outline what they have into the categories, then sketch out how they want to play those cards. Add in the Board’s tools, fences, wedges and clamps, and how much pressure each puts on the players. Focus on the Outcome that greater society is prioritizing, if that’s continuity, stability or something else. Watch as you change any one part, the game that plays out changes.

This system allows for great variance, within the system as no two players will ever have the same deck. Yet when one has many romances in the same world it again keeps things from getting stale. Knowing what cards people will play and what cards they will fight to keep. Knowing how the people around them will interact with the couple. Knowing what the end goal society at large wants to see will all end up being levers we can use to shape stories.

Next week we are diving into the rulebook, objectives, constraints, enforcement, end exit. Who and how winning is decided, and how players are punished when they go out of bounds.

This Friday sci-fi meets fantasy as the topic, interspecies relationships, opens up with the ‘physical reality’ of dealing with different biologies.

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